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   The beginning of the ‘90s, rosy skies were

not part of my life.  They seemed very

dark and hopeless.  Every month seemed to be

more of a disappointment for me.  I began to

question God on why there was no blessing.  I had

faithfully served Him and He was not answering my

greatest request. Hannah in the Bible seemed to be

my only hope of encouragement.  Then a positive

test finally came and excitement filled our home.

We began to tell our good news.  We were going

to have a baby!   Just as soon as the news sunk in,

loss came and emptiness filled me again.  How could this happen?  Why was God being so mean to me?

I had pleased Him all my life with everything in me!  I never doubted Him until this ugly week of pain and suffering.  I began to question His compassion and all I knew of Him.  My heart was broken.  It became really  

hard to continue in the Ministry for Him.   I was not a good representation for Him and therefore I felt hypocritical.

            We began the road of infertility and what that meant.  I was a very private person about all of this and it was hard to answer people’s insistent questions.   The conversations always ended in “well you are still very young”.   It didn’t matter, my heart was broken and very confused about God.   That is not a good spot to be in when you are trying to lead young people to God.   Good news came again of a positive test, then to be dashed and my heart broken even more.   The road and process God was allowing me to go through is now what

I am thankful for!!!

            News from the doctors was “we can try some fertility drugs but don’t get your hopes up”.  Those pills were very pricey and made me have crazy mood swings but who wouldn’t try when you are desperately longing for a child.    After many months the drug worked and we found ourselves expecting Abigail Lea.

            I write all this to give THANKSGIVING to our Lord.  My heart is humbled as I look back at the way I was.

Of course I have been blessed, was it because of all my good deeds?   No!      Was it because I had a really good faith in God?  No!    God in His grace and mercy blessed me.   I have a responsibility now to be very

Thankful for my family and not forget what God has done in the past.   I just wanted to give my Lord praise again for what He has done for me, 3 times 🙂 

 

 
 
 
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